I'm not the Mom I thought I would be. I'm not the Mom I want to be.
I thought I would be able to easily breast feed for two years and reap all the benefits: incredible bond between mother and child, saving tons of money, health benefits for both mother and baby. Well, two years was a big dream. Let's try 5 weeks! Yeah, I didn't accomplish that one.
I thought I would be super careful about the foods that my child eats. It started out good. I made all of his foods from fresh fruits and veggies. I even made his cereal from whole oats- none of that boxed cereal. Well, that was before he could talk and had a personality and perfected the toddler tantrum! Some days, I'm just way too overwhelmed to wrestle away the bag of Cheetos that he just swiped from the pantry while I was so delicately preparing his oatmeal and fresh cut fruits. JUST EAT THE FREAKIN CHEETOS!!!!
I thought I would be all about healthy stimulation, like reading and exploring outside- No T.V. Well, let's just say, If you love Dora and she has two 30 min shows on back to back everyday, that means I get an hour to clean, or cook, or check email, or just sit there. So, pass me the remote. That is, until you learn how to do it yourself:).
I thought I would be the Mom that pushed through when she wasn't feeling well and tended to every need of my child. Well, I'm not! I just want what everybody else wants. Sleep and quiet. If that means that baby is with Nana or Daddy, then that's just what it means.
And guess what else: sometimes my baby runs around in just his diaper, and he eats candy, and he refuses to take a bath- And, I just give in :-/ Worst of all, he's 18 months and still has a pacifier. I know, I know, I'm such a failure.
These are hard truths for me. But, I felt like maybe someone else needed to hear this. At least I needed to confess it. Now, that I've put it out there, I can relax. I'm not perfect. I'm not the Mom I thought I would be. I not the Mom I want to be.
But, what I do know- and this is just as important, so listen up- I'M THE MOM....period! After a day of work, my baby will knock down anyone in his way to run and hug me. He prefers me over anyone and anything else. I see pure joy in his eyes and his smile when he looks at me. That has to count for something, right?
So, even though I'm not the Mom I thought I would be. And I not the Mom I want to be. I must be the MOM he NEEDS me to be. I'll take that:)
